REVEALING THE "SECRET" ENTRIES Part 4

Thursday, March 08, 2007 MIDNIGHTPUDDING.COM is back from the dead At MIDNIGHTPUDDING.COM, you can: *SNAG a sneak-peak of work-in-progress *PEEP upcoming live performances *GET your hands on the published pieces *HEAR/SEE/SMELL the multimedia stuff *SNEAK around unrefined and embarassing blog entries before they DISAPPEAR FOREVER *CHECK OUT photos (most recently from Ghana, West Africa) CERVELIN'S MONSTER has risen again 4:22 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove GHANA, WEST AFRICA Pics Labeled and everything... :) http://www.flickr.com/photos/midnightpudding/ OR midnightpudding.com and go to PICS Questions? Comments? Do tell... THANKS! Currently listening : Figure 8 By Elliott Smith Release date: By 18 April, 2000 4:08 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, March 05, 2007 Rick Rubin (RR) - rock's savior / Guns N Roses -- like 14 Year Walks Along the Beach... I don't have to right this blog. I look like shit, my collar's floppy, and I'm eating eggs out of a cup. I am listening to some of the new Guns N Roses -- not sure what to think of it yet, but I am entertained. I think Axl Rose (that tragic tragic guy) can actually make a comeback and represent bigger than ever, buuuuut... he NEEDS Rick Rubin. This is where I'm supposed to go off about Rick Rubin, but maybe you already know who he is -- an AMAZING producer who really knows how to draw the best and even better-best out of artists. Just look at RHCP's trajectory after 20 some odd years! And apparently RR is working with Metallica, sooo that should be interesting. I have more things to say, but I already snuck them in my 30-day-novel, some major tirades -- send me a message and I'm sure I'll say more... ;) Oh remember that GNFR song: "It's been 14 Years of Silence, It's been 14 Years of Pain" -- that's kinda ironic now. Think about it! Come on Rick, help Axl out! And that'll help us out! Matter-ah-fact, Ricky-boy, please swing by the Deftones in Sac and make sure those boys stay on track too. I'm counting on them. 3:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, March 03, 2007 Potrero Hill / Heroin / Jane('s Addiction) says... "Jane Says" has never been one of my favorite Jane's Addiction songs, radio hit or not, and while the live version with the steel drums is much cooler, I will usually skip right through the track. However the lyrics are pretty damn interesting, and probably only make sense if you've witnessed introvenous drug use/addiction first-hand. There's a lyric: "she takes a swing / but she can't HIT!" and I always thought that was a reference to violence, or being too faded to inflict harm. But I just realized it's about not being able to hit a vein. That's something particularly horrific and strangely interesting to see (the definition of "the grotesque") -- people stabbing around their arms, looking for an available vein, bleeding all over the place... desperate and nonchalant all at once, just that final chore before they can head out the door to the concert or bar or where ever, like looking for their cell or keys. I haven't seen anything like that in a few years, but it's something you never forget. And shit, I'll admit it: it makes great writing material. People are fascinated by needles, whether they know it or not. Really this leads to curiosity with affliction, possession, and polarity (just think: Jeckell and Hyde, werewolves, vampires, Apollo and Dionysus, rock stars and celebs, manic depression, religion, the news, their own night-and-day lifestyles -- what are the common denominators of all these different things?). In other news: the 24-Hour reading went great last night. I made a couple of bucks from donations for copies of my new chapbook, In 1985, I Had No Idea What I Was In For. Coincidentally, it included an old previously published poem, "I'll Try Heroin" -- you can see it here. After a random little stroll/adventure in the neighborhood and a drive-around, I must say: I'm kinda intrigued by Potrero Hill. It's a strange part of the city, part industrial wasteland, part uber-cool underground scene, with amazing views of downtown SF. Anybody know this area and wanna show me around? Currently listening : Experimental Jet Set, Trash & No Star By Sonic Youth Release date: By 10 May, 1994 9:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, March 02, 2007 Value of Human Life Part II: A Reflection on the USF Accident It's kind of eerie -- there was A LOT of street parking around campus today (due to the number of people who didn't drive or come to school at all today). While we were waiting for the light to change, I could see every single driver and passenger looking over their shoulder at the flowers on memorial. Across the street, a cleaning crew swept up random car parts into a dustbin. I'm not sure how many already knew from the news or hearsay, and how many were just realizing at that moment that something happened. Some dude sitting shotgun made eye-contact with me and waved at my boss and I. I nodded back at him ,and may have waved. The memorial service had a great turnouts -- lots of singing and incense, and some nice honoring words spoken. While the religious overtones were not really my thing, you could feel the group catharsis. The accident happened yesterday at the crossroads of pedestrian traffic on USFcampus -- people running to or from classes, their offices, meetings, food, the bus, their car, and other errands and activities. So everybody was affected in some form or another. On my way back, I could see all the drivers on Turk looking at the flowers and/or reflecting. One positive outcome I see from this (not that it's worth the price) is the very clear impact it has on all the traffic running through -- on the PEOPLE. Turk is a major east-west route for the city, so A LOT of drivers/passengers were and will be confronted with this sight -- whether they knew about it already or not. I felt touched to see the driver's drop their city faces or their busy cell phone chats and other me-me-me habits, and really seem to reflect on what happened, on consequences, on themselves. In a sense, everyone in the USF community (students, faculty, staff, neighbors, pedestrians in the area) were hit yesterday. It could have been anyone of us. And every driver passing through (including some of these same people) were the ones who did the damage. It could have been anyone of us. That's what I see in people's eyes, and I believe that's what they see in mine today. I believe the circumstances and location of yesterday's tragedy may actually create a ripple effect that will save lives in the future, whether today or next week or next year. Thank you for reading this. 4:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove The Value of Human Life, the Randomness of Circumstance Some of you may have heard or seen it in the news... two people were struck by an SUV and pinned against a wall while standing on the sidewalk at the University of San Francisco's main bus-stop east-bound (Turk Street and Chabot Terrace, kitty-corner to the Lone Mountain steps). One SUV hit another during a U-turn (and there may have been red-light running as well). Both SUVs served on to the sidewalk. A man was seriously injured and a woman was killed -- the wife of one of our deans. I didn't hear the crash but I walked by minutes after, busy chatting with my dad on the cellphone, rushing off to a meeting, wondering why there were so many people standing around. The woman most have still been caught between the wall and SUV, but I didn't notice from my angle and from the crowd. When I saw a corner mailbox lying sideways in the middle of the street, I looked back and noticed the SUV stuck in the side of someone's house. There was a driver hunched over in there, but I didn't know anyone was seriously hurt. I assumed they'd swerved out of the way from a pedestrian. I didn't find out how serious things were until I walked by again an hour later. On obviously a much smaller scale, there is a 9/11-type grief and shock on our campus -- a tragedy during a normal day-to-day situation. I did not know either of the people, but I walk this path almost everyday, as do hundreds and hundreds of other people. Prior to this, I've been frustrated by how fast and crazy people drive through the main streets on/next to campus, especially with lots of blind curves and hills. There is a service in a few minutes that my boss and I are going to... I passed by there last night, and there was a make-shift replacement wall and some flowers and the like in memorial. I'm sure there are a lot more items there now. 3:14 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, February 27, 2007 overhaul of MIDNIGHTPUDDING.COM the transformation has begun... MIDNIGHTPUDDING.COM (still sorting out malarkey technicalities with the photos/etc... so look for another announcement SOON) Currently listening : Blind Melon By Blind Melon Release date: By 22 September, 1992 2:18 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, February 25, 2007 "Masculinely-challenged" survey 50 girl questions. Answer them with truth: What color is your bra? Fashionably tight white gym shirt (with authentic pit stains!) Do you straighten your hair everyday? I've recently started combing my hair because it's a little longer and unruly (after a shower). Then I finger brush it as soon as I remember I'm walking around with wet combed hair. Do you worry about the size of your boobs? No but my pecs are growing and ladies like to touch them, and I like ladies to touch them (and yes, hehe, then other things grow, but that would be the obvious thing to say, bastards) Whats your favorite girly magazine? does assparade.com count?! (blushing OMG?!) Would you kill for chocolate? Maybe if I was starving to death after a plane crash in the Andes. And only if it was attached to a frozen rump cut. Respeck! Jeans or skirts? Jeans Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable? Not usually, but sometimes I get warm in dress clothes Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy? I'm not really concerned if guys think I'm pretty Did you ever cry during a romantic movie? I got a tear or two during In Her Shoes, but that was the age/death stuff Would you leave the house without makeup on? Always Do you consider making out "unladylike". No On a scale of 1-10, how fun is shopping? Well I "download til I drop" hehe (no that wasn't a pervy reference... I just realized how that could be read) And things I can't download I buy online usually. But occasionally it's nice to look at books or clothes or food. Are you spoiled? I have some entitlement issues, yes Do you think lipgloss is the best?: No, you're lucky if I use chapstick bitches :{{ :PPP Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show? Ain't my thing How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Anywhere from 1 minute to 1 day Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school/work? No Accessories make the outfit: true or false: Uh... um... Do you like skater boys? Not like-like. I do have friends that skate though, girls too Is pink truly the best color in the entire universe? "Nope, green" - Brit. (I concur) Status? Let's talk about that over some PBRs at the 540 muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ......muahahahahahahahhah muamuamuamuahahahahahah :P Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy? Job interviews Do you often wish there was something you could change? My boxers. Is that bad? *blushing* Yeah but I'm working on those things. which include: Mind Body Spirt Gold or silver? Royalties Do you dress up too much for holidays? Nopey-dokie. You're lucky if I take a shower, bitchesssss Do you like to wear dresses? No Do you write a lot of mushy love poems? I can pull good and sometimes excellent love poems right out of my ass. Then I flush em down MIDNIGHTPUDDING. ;) On a scale of 1-10, how much do guys confuse you? I don't want to be sexist. How much do people confuse me? Anywhere from 0 to 12, depending on the situation. What makeup product could you NOT live without? Makeup sex Currently listening : Undertow By Tool Release date: By 06 April, 1993 5:02 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove It is time for me to sleep There are those of you who know, but I don't even know FULLY... I've had an incredibly busy February (mostly in a good way) and I have not had a chance to take it all in yet - I guess I'm used to more "reflection time," and I've been "LIVING" much more. I am looking forward to resting now. It hasn't been THAT long, but sleep sounds like this alien thing to me right now. I don't mean that to be all melodramatic or weird or whatever, although it may come off that way. There's just so much, I can't put it into words. It's in the center of my chest. If you have any suggestions of what I should dream, please jot them down and tell me about them later. Thanks, and rest well all. Currently listening : Hoist By Phish Release date: By 29 March, 1994 4:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, February 20, 2007 "Best Writing Award" goes to... My nonfiction father-son/nature essay, "The Beach as Office," won the "BEST WRITING AWARD" for one of the contests at the San Francisco Writers Conference this weekend. The piece is currently under consideration at a magazine - I will send you a copy if you're interested. Also, my story, "Under You, the Troubled Bridge" (aka "Dear Kurt Cobain") is featured in MORE BRIDGES: THE 2007 SAN FRANCISCO WRITERS CONFERENCE ANTHOLOGY. Ditto on that. Look for a major update of MIDNIGHTPUDDING.COM soon! 3:29 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, February 13, 2007 I got found out... sort of... (hi Rachel! haha) one of my employers/administrators from the security company (re: the bouncer gigs) just informed me that she googled ME a few minutes ago, curious about the whole midnightpudding thing in my email. turns out she's a writer too! the net definitely makes it a much smaller world. she asked if she could read my blog, and blushing, I wrote that I'd recently written about the job, although nothing derogatory or confidential. It's not quite the same as your mom finding your "secret" sex blogs or something, but it is a little... I don't know how to explain it... I did get a brief spell of paranoia over suddenly all this other information being available about me - and how this would change my image, if at all. (wait a minute! this Joe dude is supposed to be 350 and 6 foot 6, wtf! j/k) however if I was that concerned, I probably wouldn't have it out there in the first place. it's just sort of... surreal... I don't think this will really affect my presence or persona at the job - where I enjoy NOT playing up the quirky/artsy guy... and I guess even jf people did know my deep dark secret, that I'm MORE than just a dude who sits on a stool (believe it or not!), it would take a lot of damn effort to out-weird the majority of the clientele. I mean it is San Francisco after all. weird...! 11:14 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, February 12, 2007 NOT my page profile What I would NEVER have as a headline: "Kill the rats (Jews)" and "Kill whitey" and any other racist/genocidal shit DISLIKES and UNINTERESTS GENERAL: Getting up early when I don't feel like it, wasting the day, hangovers, spending too much money, perseverating, depression, anger, road rage, suicide, fake ass people, snobs, wasting time on here, haters, lack of ambition, excessive laziness, unreliability, hypocrites, mediocrity MUSIC: Most emo and a lot of the new radio rock (please see Gabe's page for details)... I'm pretty open-minded in general! MOVIES: Even a bad movie still has some entertainment value, even if just for the background TELEVISION: Commercials, things that suck you in and waste your time and leave you unfulfilled BOOKS: Hmm there's already enough negativity and too-coolness about reading out there... I will say however that while revising the manuscript that was accepted as my thesis in 2005, I whimsically and sincerely apologized to my thesis advisor for having to read the damn thing! haha ...MIDNIGHTPUDDING.COM until I somehow update in time to promote a writing conference this weekend NON-HEROES: Most politicians, fake disgusting SOBs, the homeless, my most unbecoming personas Details Joe would NEVER put on his page Status: I don't like rejection Orientation: I don't like the fact that I'm hit on more by dudes than girls Hometown: I have a certain fondness for Tupper Lake and blue collar culture but winter sucks Zodiac Sign: Uh... Education: I've had enough of the classroom for a bit, but I've been educating myself -- ie, READING and ASKING QUESTIONS Not Joe's Schools I didn't get into UC Irvine's MFA writing program where Aimee Bender and Michael Chabon and Alice Sebold and others went, and ended up getting stuck in "Jockport" for a year (though that was a great experience) until I set it right and ended up at USF. Joe's RELATIVELY USELESS Networking Publishing - Writer - Novelist http://www.midnightpudding.com (I need to update this fuckin site!) Jesus h, I want a book deal already! :) NOT my latest blogs: My engineering degree What my four kids did in church Why I have a crush on the Virgin Mary NOT ABOUT ME: Joe is not the smoothest, coolest, or most timely person in the world. He is not tall. He cannot dance as well as he wants to and he is very uncoordinated with a lot of things. Joe is not an engineer or doctor. Joe is not a fan of blackouts. WHO I DON'T WANT TO MEET: assholes, mean people, fakes NOT COMMENTS ABOUT ME: Joe thank you for healing me yesterday! You are the best brain surgeon in the world. Hi hottie, come check out my webcam Where's the money, Lebowski Congratulations, we have accepted your first album for national distribution through our label! You're so punctual, thank you. 3:54 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove the better the weekend the worse the Monday Category: Jobs, Work, Careers I worked a lot of the weekend but it was still great. I was thoroughly entertained and stimulated and my brain felt full. I'm beat right now. And I called in saying I was gonna be late for my office job, and then I was late for that, and now my boss is pissed at me, although she sort of understands that I'm busting my ass to make ends meet... plus I'm this ambitious artsy guy who sorts has his head up his ass sometimes, and timeliness is not one of my strong points. Also, this may be the culprit of my tiredness: I checked out a secret-location "after" party promoted through one of the events I was working, and I must say hands down this was one of the CRAZIEST things I've ever seen. I'll write more about it soon, but will still be somewhat vague out of respect for the place. Ok, in the meantime, I'll say: hoola hoops, peppermint strip knee socks, tattoos, the smell of [...?], guacamole. I'll also say: imagine John Waters directing "Eyes Wide Shut" in the Mission and you get the picture... I guess my Monday isn't really bad. I just want to go to sleep on the floor under my desk is all. I don't know if I'm gonna do the gym today. It's been rainy for a while. But if one more person sends me a HAVE A NICE DAY variant, I'll... I'll... oh okay, I like the attention. Peace. Currently listening : Fresh By Sly & the Family Stone Release date: By 01 July, 1991 2:56 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, February 09, 2007 Why I love being a bouncer (at a chill club) because it's fun because I laugh out loud because some of the music is really good because I have way more *social value* on that stool than any other (although I can carry that vibe over to a regular stool) because of the eye candy because people's girlfriends and dates wanna pose with us for pics -- and cop a feel of us in the process because I can grab whatever awesome quesadillas they have out for the people who paid twenty or thirty bucks G-strings because it makes me feel cool and part of the team because it's a rush because I come home in a super duper gansta Mr. Rogers mood (aka Woody Shaolin!) because it's humbling because I'm not spending money, except on an awesome Vietnamese sandwhich around the corner because people are hilarious to observe because eavesdropping and gazing is part of my job because I tell people about the "secret bathroom" if I see a queue because I get to be courteous to people who deserve it (such as the custodians - and literally pull aside a velvet rope so they can carry their crap up or down the stairs) because there's always a surprise or two because of networking opps from the clientele because of the private parties because I shine my flashlight at people who try to climb the torture wheel chain on the wall because someone walked up and served me a Nutella fudged pancake while I was guarding the torture wheel because I'm meeting bouncers/etc from all over the city and will soon forget that concerts cost money because the alley crackheads give you the warmest greeting of all when you walk by because the company offers free martial arts training on Sundays because I don't have to use physical force because it feels like what I should be doing right now, in the San Francisco underground because it has absolutely nothing to do with my life goals or my education background because it's only part-time 3:56 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, February 07, 2007 I need some sun (winter mix) Current mood: pale the sun's been creeping across the sky while I'm still sleeping, or while I'm caught up in the office. it's gone by the time I'm out and looking, but I can smell it. I can smell the sun's just been here. I think maybe I got too needy with the sun. I think maybe I got too codependent with the sun. Or conversely, I didn't give the sun the attention it needed. Maybe I didn't always talk right to the sun. Maybe I didn't make enough direct eye contact with the sun. Maybe I didn't comfort the sun when it came to my window at the crack of dawn. Maybe I left the sun while it dozed off. Maybe I spat at the sun. Sun, please come back, leave me colored and flushed. I can't find my Ghanan tan. I don't want t be too androgenous pasty and pale like... {oh she'd be pissed if I said her name}... muahahaha If YOU have seen the sun, please call the hotline... um... I can't find the number right now, there's not enough daylight... Currently listening : Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes By TV on the Radio Release date: By 09 March, 2004 1:14 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, February 06, 2007 have a nice day, haters! (Special Tuesday pt. 2) So, do to my positive and sincere "special Tuesday" posting, I've received some backlash. I've been called things.. such as... "fuckin' hippie." Can you believe it? Perhaps you flabbergasters would prefer a cynical and sarcastic post, just so you can feel safe and cozy? I've already sent out a few those before [I almost spelled "those" as "thoughs"] Or perhaps you'd rather me go off about how annoyed I am by people saying how fucked up ALL soldiers are just cuz there are videos out there of TWO soldiers doing fucked up shit to a dog. That's an ISM if I've ever heard one (ala racism, sexism -- except it's, what, soldierism). but I didn't really want to go into a lengthy sermon about that, which wouldn't get through to anyone who I was addressing and would only be preaching to the choir... There, you happy now...? :) Cheers Fuckfaces! Joe ------ Here is the original posting: a special Tuesday what's so special about today? well, today is TODAY! that's what's special about it. enjoy... Currently listening : Smells Like Children By Marilyn Manson Release date: By 24 October, 1995 3:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, February 05, 2007 my sentiments exactly High School Survey (TLHS) 1. Who was your best friend? Nobody... Victor... Gabi... Sarah... and others, in alternation 2.What sports did you play? did football when I was a buck-10. that went GREAT! haha... eventually I retired and moved on to HACKY SAC!!!!!! 3. What kind of car did you drive? Nissan 4. It's Friday night, where are you? That really depends on the year. I may have been home (watching Ren and Stimpy / X-Files) or at Victor/Gabi/Sarah's or if it wasn't ass cold, walking around somewhere. Victor and I would do lots of crazy shit on the Boulevard, limping with sticks and tripping over each other when we thought there were enough cars going by to make it worth tumbling into concrete. haha 5. Were you a party animal? Not at all. I had to resort to pouring fifteen packets of sugar in a supersized coke to get "prepped" for special events, haha. Can you believe I was weird once?? I mean, really... Plus, although I didn't have a heart attack, that's probably why I became a fat-ass for a little bit, like, ten years later! I got drunk and buzzed a few times senior year. also dabbled in cough syrup, thanks to the advice of JG 6. Were you considered a flirt? In certain circles... 7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Brian R. and I recorded a few hours of metal/industrial/crazy shit. We wrote A LOT of lyrics too. Some crazy 4-track recordings with Jeremiah -- some experimental rock and Ween/Beck type shit. That was the soundtrack for the Pop Culture short film we shot in Seth McGowan's class. I was supposed to perform Rage's "Bombtrack" and Nirvana "Teen Spirit" on vocals with Teddy D's band at New Years, but uh, SOMEONE else in the group was all butthurt and territorial so that didn't happen. 8. Were you a nerd? I was a bad-ass dork 9. Were you voted anything in the yearbook? Tnnh 10. Can you sing the fight song? Red and Black, Jagerbomb? 11. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? Mr. Trombley would read a short story of mine twice by lunch time if I dropped it off in the morning. He gave me notes, advice, and constant encouragement. He also stuck up for me during a number of censorship/banning contraversies -- hahahaha... Basically, he had my back! I remember one student teacher from 11th grade history (dude with red hair), who was into the Chili Peppers and told me about De La Soul... He had me get up in front of the whole class a few times and read some of my short stories. That was really awesome. He got me into Dylan, and he cried when we listened to Tambourine Man in class on his last day there. Mr. Francemoin (sp?) got me into Zappa! Mr. McGowan's Pop Culture Studies class Senior Year was pretty cool, and he offered a lot of cynical and wise commentary on life in general. Mr. Marquis seemed like a really cool dude too. The art room was a haven for some of the "outsiders," and he's the one who recommended me getting involved with the newspaper, which aside from my AMAZING football nunchuck skills, gave me some purpose. 12. Favorite class? Senior privileges! 13. What was your school's full name? You know 15. Did you go to Prom? Senior year, and then also after my first year of college... 16. If you could go back and do it over, would you? Yes and no.... I got a lot of shit, some of which was my fault and some wasn't, but I would know how to handle myself a lot better and stick up for myself more. I wish I could get a "redo," but then again, a couple of those years were pretty terrible for me, so why risk it! 11th and Senior year were pretty fun though in general (basically cuz I knew I was getting out of there!) 17. What do you remember most about graduation? Freedom and feeling spinny... and basically everybody who ever gave me shit wanting to have a sess with me (I guess that was a novelty for them, like getting your picture taken with a homeless person) 19. Where were you on senior skip day? I don't even think we had one, did we? there was a lot of talk... 20.Did you have a job your senior year? McD's y'all, rocking the Doors and Hendrix and Sublime in the back, hosing down the girls (literally) when they walked by, muahaha 21. Where did you go most often for lunch? The cafeteria... then Senior Privileges, Jimmy S and I would go to McD's and drive around 22. Have you gained weight since then? You bet your ass 23. What did you do after graduation? got a life! 24. When did you graduate? 1998 25. Who was your Senior prom date? Ashley L. - senior year; Gabi - freshman year of college 26. Are you going to your 10 year reunion? One year left 27. Who was your home room teacher? Your mom (you were waiting for this one, weren't you?) 28. Who will repost this after you? Please see answer #27 Currently reading : The Long Hard Road Out of Hell By Marilyn Manson Release date: By 01 April, 1999 3:33 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

the nicest rejection ever it wasn't a shootdown or anything like that. it was a very padded landed, and I took my parachute back over to my seat long before that. thank you for your kindness. Postscript: due to the particular circumstances, this is an official "Tal Kill"! Currently listening : Meantime By Helmet Release date: By 23 June, 1992 2:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Thursday, February 01, 2007 Did my last blog just get censored (or am I getting old)? Current mood: surprised What the hell?! I was just buying an overpriced campus burrito with a credit card because it's rent day and I forgot my can opener. Yeah it's sort of one of those days, but I'm enjoying it. I swear that I had as part of the title in my last blog (absolutely no nudity...) and now it's gone?! I mean, it was a silly joke anyway. OBVIOUSLY my site is not a portal to a porn site or whatever. So if anyone flagged it or something, HAVE A NICE DAY! PS And now THIS blog isn't show up on my page! Coincidence, I think n... oh I don't know, I'm hungry. PPS I think DPT is in on this! muahaha [on fourth thought, I think I "accidentally" erased that part, because it was originally a much longer title. Well, it was interested to feel persecuted for a few minutes I guess. They're watching.) 1:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

On the run from DPT! First of all, there is absolutely no nudity in this blog. There is not a hidden hyperlink (undifferentiated by color and underlining) that will take you to some worthwhile nudity (and no, scrolling your mouse along until the cursor changes into a hand will not do it either - we've dealt with that too). Ok, now that we got that out of the way. I didn't want to let you down... I'm slightly disappointed. I'm on the run from DPT (the Department of Parking and Traffic) because today is the first day of the 2007 residential parking permit stickers in my neighborhood zone, and my permit is still in the mail. (They made sure to cash the check right away though!) I walked out to a warm sweet-smelling day and saw that my wheel had already been chalked with the "blue mark." I know these DPT people have families to feed, but man, I'd love to beat the hell out of one of them with a pillow - just leave them stunned in their little carts with feathers floating everywhere. ("Mommy, why does daddy have feather all over him?") I mean, c'mon, I have a 2006 permit - and they're gonna ticket people on DAY 1? Most of those folks probably just forgot to put it on their car. So now I'm bootlegging a spot somewhere secret on campus with a "be right back" sign. Jeez. It'll all be worked out soon enough, but I'm laying low in the meantime. PS If you don't know what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky! I do have remarkable parking for SF, so I can't complain... except for this... 11:43 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

TOO MUCH INFORMATION? You know that I work in a grants administration office during the day at an urban university, but you may not know that I'm considering getting a service project together for these poor students. Okay, let's keep this on the major downlow. A large percentage of the students were not potty trained, and while this may or may not affect their academic standing or social status (I assume they hang out with others who were also not potty trained), it is compromising the integrity and cleanliness of the bathroom facilities - and it is only a matter of time before "the caca stink seeps into adjacent classrooms." A few students (let's stay confidential - respect, please) have left evidence of trying to brush their asses clean with the toilet seat. I am confident that a forensic expert would contend to this, and can provide further authentification if necessary. I am concerned about them catching a virus or something, but since I have limited scientific knowledge, I will have to partner up with a biology/chemistry researcher to flesh out the full legitimacy of this project. Please see the diagrams and photos below. "Yikes!" Something needs to be done though - I'm not sure if it's some sort of cognitive disorder, but they also mistake toilet seats for the inside of urinals (I guess we should include instructions and perhaps directions to each clearly named facility) - although other issues may rise, such as illiteracy. Regretably, I don't exactly know what my hypothesis is yet. I am partly surprised, due to the socially just and humanatarian trends of the student body that someone has not already applied for a potty training scholarship to disseminate information to the masses. However, grantwriting is not easy, and sometimes the applications ask for tOO MUCh INFORMaTION. muahaha Currently listening : Second Helping By Lynyrd Skynyrd Release date: By 04 November, 1997 1:19 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, January 31, 2007 can you imagine me being quiet for 10 days?! That's gonna happen in early June. Not just your comments/inbox - I'm talking about my TONGUE. I got word (no pun intended) that I've been accepted into the FREE (muahahah) Vipassana meditation retreat program in North California. There may be a center in your area too (they're all over the world). Vipassana is an ancient Indian/Buddhist meditation/philosophy (from what I understand) that in recent years has been used to treat maximum security prisoners. Apparently, with dedication and concentration, it allows you go into your SUBconscious and clean things up (after heavy analysis of subtle physiological reactions of your body - I think the first three days are spent primarily on the area between your lip and nose, just concentrating on breathing, and observing your body and mental/emotional reactions). In the retreat I'll be meditating for about 18 hours a day on a cushion on a concrete floor - no reading/writing/music/exercising (besides walking)/talking or pulling one off! Imagine that! http://www.dhamma.org/ "Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation. It was rediscovered by Gotama Buddha more than 2500 years ago and was taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills, i.e., an Art Of Living. This non-sectarian technique aims for the total eradication of mental impurities and the resultant highest happiness of full liberation. Healing, not merely the curing of diseases, but the essential healing of human suffering, is its purpose. Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion. The scientific laws that operate one's thoughts, feelings, judgements and sensations become clear. Through direct experience, the nature of how one grows or regresses, how one produces suffering or frees oneself from suffering is understood. Life becomes characterized by increased awareness, non-delusion, self-control and peace." Currently listening : Further Down The Spiral By Nine Inch Nails Release date: By 20 June, 1995 5:17 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Saturday, January 27, 2007 I was wooed by a praying mantis Burning Woman tonight; or, figuring out decline bench press I was just stopping by, I swear. My paycheck was MIA, so I swung by the most bad-ass underground club in the Bay Area (as far as I know) that I bounce for a few times a month only to take care of some quick business. Then the Wristband teleported on to my arm, and I figured what the hey a comp drink or two never hurt anyone (despite being "on my way" to dorking out for the night with some overdue manuscripts that whisper in my ear, "Joey you haven't been giving us enough attention, ya friggin gaf!"). Sure I've seen crazier shit, or at least comparable crazy shit while on the clock, but it's a little different when you're chilling and tipping back a few red cups of Sierra N., and it's weird when one of the rooms smells like one of your ex's pussy's (just one of her pussy's, ahah) and there's some funky fetish shit going on in there, and so forth and so forth, and then you're sitting in the front room, and they're playing some fat fuckin break beats - some sick shit that sounds like a paramecium on percussion, with a pinch of evil thrown in - and various little eye contact / flirt things happen and a bonafied porn star smiles and saunters past (and you know it's not worth pursuing her to the hot-tub on the roof because YOU'RE the prize dammit), and a bugged-out (pun intended) broad with dreads and a crazy get-up right out of the playa (I'd imagine, though I've never been to Burning Man) makes eye contact, drops her magazine in front of her like you've never seen a magazine dropped, and breaks into crazy danse-dancer moves a foot from your face, and kicks her boots in the air, and transfroms into a praying mantis in a corset, and then a somber girl in a leather cop skirt outfit joins her in dance, and you wonder if they're playing Good Cop Bad Cop, and other things happen and so forth, then you leave. But the moral is: you never knew a girl dancing like a Praying Mantis in front of your face could be so fucking enticing on a rainy Friday! In other news, I finally figured out how to use the decline bench press. I did it once about 11 years ago, but I figured it's time to do some lower pec attacks. It took me a couple of lame attempts until I realized that the second support device is for the BACK of your knees... hahaha... anyways, this semi-cocky mothafucka will be droppin some shirtless pics on you soon enough BITCHESSSSS. have an awesome weekend (even if you have kids!) :) Currently reading : The Long Hard Road Out of Hell By Marilyn Manson Release date: By 01 April, 1999 3:09 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Thursday, January 18, 2007 NOT the shoes (typo in last blog - SORRY, so SORRY) That was a typo. It's not the shoes. I don't joke about those sort of things, cuz some people DO have stank-ass feet due to infections and bacteria from the dojo or where ever. I am not one of them... There really was a mouse, and there is another one rotting somewhere (or many more). Defensive Joe out. 3:56 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Conspiracy theory - someone poisoned the mice Dead mice are popping up all over our office. Some aren't quite dead yet, they have a little spirit left, a little fight, but they're almost comatose. There is a rotten smell in my office again... And no, it's not my gym shoes. Thanks, guys!! "Dear Exterminator, I found a dead mouse under my desk on Tuesday (there was a rotten smell in the air). Today (Thurs.) there is a rotten smell again, particularly around the doorway of my office. I think there is at least one other dead mouse, but I cannot locate it. Can it possibly be in the walls? Or behind the cabinets? Please HELP!" Currently listening : Animals By Pink Floyd Release date: By 25 April, 2000 2:57 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Ode to the chicken shawarma/shawerma/chawarma/shoarma I didn't really care for the shit at first, to be honest. It was spicy and messy, but my thesis advisor of the time liked meeting at these Mediterrean joints, and I was kind of curious. Then ONE day, I had a random craving for that shawarma shit. Those spices and ingredients - tahini, hummus, and so much more - wrapped in a lavish thing. (I suppose I could look it up and punch it in here, but you can too, or maybe you already know what I'm talking about. SEE, THESE SHAWARMAS ALWAYS MAKE ME TIRED AFTER, SO I HAVE TO DELEGATE MY BLOG REFERENCES. What exactly is in these puppies that makes me tired? Usually food doesn't do that to me.) Every one of those things is an adventure, cuz each bite is a different layer, and I have no idea what the hell I'm eating but it's tasty and juicy and sometimes incredibly ass-kicking spicy. Also, I did the citizen's duty of identifying Pink Floyd for the dude who made my food, cuz he was digging the music on the speakers but wasn't familiar with them. Even wrote down the info for him, what a guy. That was my good deed for the day. "All and all / you're just another shawarma in the mall" Currently listening : White People By Handsome Boy Modeling School Release date: By 09 November, 2004 1:27 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 I was wondering what the hell was stinking up my office Can you guess what it was? No not that you smart-ass. I don't leave THAT around my office. It was a cute little mouse, now a rotten lil stinker. I had to do the walk of shame down the hallway with that thing, dangling by the tail. Funkly lil bugger. Currently listening : God's Son By Nas Release date: By 13 December, 2002 4:56 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, January 15, 2007 Deadlines schmeadlines I can talk your ear off about it over coffee over the phone or over the table, and I have all the main material plopped across the page, but I'm procrastinating finishing and submitting this goddang magazine article about why it's so friggin cool that I can go to the beach in Jan in tha Berrier (aka the Bay Area) even if I need a sweater and wool cap and perhaps a scarf (though I've never actually worn a scarf outside of my hallway where the mirror is) (although one of my awesome ex-es got me an awesome scarf - it's green - that I should awesome wear - and why the effigy do I mention ex-es so much, I guess it's my woeful poet's instinct) (no tonight it's about being distinct with this friggin nature article - who ever thought I'd be writing a nature article, not me? - but beaches are so freaching cool) (okay, I think I'm warmed up)... Currently listening : Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By By Lovage Release date: By 06 November, 2001 9:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Friday, January 12, 2007 Recent publication incited a domestic dispute :) My buddy, Mike, emailed me about my story: "Yo, haha pretty funny man. I really liked the unexpected transition into the lady getting her foot chopped off. Cygridh thought it as good, too. We did have an interpretation argument, though -- I thought you were attempting to demonstrate the absurdity of fans in America who personalize thier relationship with stars via entertainment products, while she (in her greater knowledge of Nirvana) saw it as Bradley reaching out in a sort of cry for help to someone else whom he saw as kindred to his own spirit. Can ya help settle the argument? Mike" I responded: Hahaha. I think you guys are both arguing similiar points actually (at least the way they're stated in the email), except you're viewing it more satirical/commentary-wise where she viewed it more character-wise/emotionally. Right? I would say you're both right. I was attempting a satire to some extent, but I did want to make it emotionally genuine too, with respect to the characters. Ideally, an effective piece of art is a paradox, an auroboros, what give you, to some extent. Also, the author's intentions ultimately don't matter as long as the reader can "point to the text" to justify their take on it. Just like with music (although it is interesting to know the intentions, of course). Thanks for checking out the story, man. Any further controversy, send em my way! --Joey -------------------------------------------------------- Also, this story may be getting taught in a high school this semester. I don't want to get too ahead of myself, but I'm excited about how well it's been received so far. If YOU have any information leading to the whereabouts of questions about this story, please call 1-800... Currently listening : Nigga Please By Ol' Dirty Bastard Release date: By 14 September, 1999 2:50 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 Wheeling an oscillating fan around work like an IV pole At work, my fan is usually blasting me just a few inches from my head, but it's stuffy as a dead grandparent's house without it. Unfortunately I'm stuck wearing long sleeves due to a "temporary" branding incident on my forearm last summer that I don't want to flash around work (although when I'm getting ready for the gym, which is just a block away, I walk around in a tee-shirt, but I'm not exactly sitting in a meeting or anything). I've gotten used to the long-sleeves, I guess, but today, thanks to the significantly colder weather, I'm wearing a sweater. It's a nice sweater. I like this sweater. But now I have a meeting, and it's even stuffier in that windowless conference room, so I'm going to bring my fan in there. These are the sort of things that get me through the day job (and amuse my coworkers). Did I mention that my boss used the word "HYPHEY" the other day. Just a year ago, she asked me what "word" meant, in the affirmative slang sense, and I explained, and gave some theories as to it's origin. Just a year later, we're labeling certain folders as HYPHEY. Those hyphey folders were for a proposal writing workshop (aka grant writing) that we ran all day yesterday for faculty and staff at the University. To put it in street vernacular: it kicked ASS. Seriously. It went waaaay better than we even expected. I was mainly the Vanna White assistant with comic relief; also ran a skit and did some improv role-playing that had the room entertained. What else? I'm sore from just having gone back to the gym. Didn't eat the healthiest over break, and was limited as to what living room exercises I could do due to an INCIDENT with my fingers and wrists. I'm hungry... Currently listening : Year of the Dog...Again By DMX Release date: By 01 August, 2006 7:25 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

REVEALING THE "SECRET" ENTRIES Part 3

Thursday, January 04, 2007 Bronx AIR I fucking LOVE the smell of the Bronx air. I will not even attempt to explain it. I realize this is a very vague and considerably non-sensual blog considering it's about the senses, but really, I wish I could send you a FREE SAMPLE. It's great. Currently listening : Animals By Pink Floyd Release date: By 25 April, 2000 8:03 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, December 29, 2006 "Under You, the Troubled Bridge" WILL be published ...in the SFWC 07 Anthology. I am... STOKED! If anybody wants a copy of the story, let me know and I will email it to you. Currently listening : Return to the 36 Chambers By Ol' Dirty Bastard Release date: By 28 March, 1995 8:42 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, December 28, 2006 If I had a camera... I'd take a picture of the Dante Aligheri Italian Cultural center which we just passed in Cambridge, Mass. I'm sitting in the BeanTowne Coffee House, right behind another sign that I would photograph. I'm normally not into that stuff, that photography rampagage, but since Ghana, I've felt a little more inclined to capture things visually, and plus being a m-sp-c- primadonna and all, a kitchy photo op is always nice. My foot really fuckin hurts. Balter made sure that we walked into some good chaffage, and not just sucking it up and doing the Duck Walk has lead to some sort of weird foot thing. However while playing pool at his pad and playing Liquid Swords on the clock radio speakers I was able to dance barefoot on the wood for a moment. Soaking it in a burning hot pasta pot helped a little too. I'm not into leather, but I am somewhat a gimp. They'll be kicking us out of the Coffee House in a second, so I want to limp over to some place very near by and continue procrastinating my fiction writing with CLASS. Currently listening : Orphans [Fold-out Digipak with 24-page booklet] By Tom Waits Release date: By 05 December, 2006 1:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, December 26, 2006 Boston BeanTown! BeanTown! BeanTown! here I come. Gonna see one of my best friends who I haven't seen since our landlord in SF sawed his fucking desk in half and changed the locks on him. Sheeit. ;) We're gonna drink lots of coffee and throw some tea in the water. Currently listening : Fishscale By Ghostface Killah Release date: By 28 March, 2006 8:32 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, December 15, 2006 Kinda hairy in some places but life is beautiful Yep. Now get off the fucking internet and go do something. I'm not saying you have to go party. I'm just saying go DO... SOMETHING... Or if you want to stay on the computer, or the internet, DO... SOMETHING... but get off my fucking blog right now. Right NOW! :) Currently listening : Saturday Night Wrist By Deftones Release date: By 31 October, 2006 8:51 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, December 11, 2006 Another Monday post I guess this is sort of mopey but it's a good mopey. It's an I had an awesome ass weekend made some scrilla and danced and got merry and had some good times but am tired cuz I didn't get a lot of sleep last night mopey. It's an I want to take a nap while the smell of vanilla still lingers in my mind mopey. hahaha 2:28 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, December 04, 2006 A note on being invisible I like attention. I like to make people laugh. I like to feel unique or special. But sometimes, particularly Mondays, I would just prefer invisibility. I could just stroll down the hallway without anyone seeing or hearing me. I guess even *people like me* need a day off. 3:20 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, December 03, 2006 Blogalicious, or Pulling Drinks after Last Call So I've done it a couple of times before, pulling drinks for this crazy-ass SOMA venue that I do security for on weekends, but this was a much bigger crowd, about six hundred people, and my face was on fire by the time I finished collecting drinks. It's stressful, because I wasn't really commited to the action, but I still had to be assertive, and yell over the music so they could even hear me. We gave them a heads-up, and even let them finish in front of us when we came back around, but some people were still ass-pains about it, or wanted to have a whole discussion as if we were carrying state manuals with us. I'll be more prepared next time I do it for a large crowd, and really just try to come in with a smile, and maybe an IV bag with some tranquilizers. Other than that, it's an awesome gig, getting paid to be at a party and supervise girls having handstand competitions in skirts. It just feels right. 8:54 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, December 02, 2006 DDing is kinda entertaining It's like, WHOAH, there are nice city lights, and the lines aren't swerving, and my friends are acting fuckin ridiculous and it's entertaining, and yeah, I'm kinda hungry for a taco too. ***************************** ***************************** (barbed wire) Completed unrelated blog: It's come to my attention by an anonymous source (thanks Mineau) that the few and the proud who subscribe to this here blog get an annoying announcement everytime, so I will just add my second one here. It goes something like this... ahem... yo... yo... WHAT I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT TONIGHT: I haven't thought about much tonight. I have thought about the fact that I will be doing some security work at another funky "underground" sexy-like party tonight, and that it's a little nippy, and I wonder if I should drive down to one of those cheap exploitive corporate department stores that are technically outside of the city limits (since you can't buy anything IN SF except bamboo sushi and hemp tofu) so's that I can get a nondescript black wool cap to wear, so I can LOOK like a nondescript security dude, but fuggit, Ima wear my funky wool cap instead if I'm cold, cuz walking around with a runny nose (transparent fluid or not) is not really nondescript. 7:31 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, November 29, 2006 Admitting it is the first step What? I already admitted it. You want me to repeat myself? Friggin voyeurs. :pppppppppppp Currently listening : Nothing By Meshuggah Release date: By 06 August, 2002 4:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, November 28, 2006 Private blog - can't read Congratulations. I lied. Really this blog, this very blog here, is private in the sense that the majority of what I want to say, the majority of what has been flying through my head for the past few days, will not be stated here. I fear that it may compromise my reputation (jeah! like that's possible). But I don't want to write one of those "real" private blogs, cuz they always bug me, and I'd hate to be a hypocrite. You can bet cho ass that I will "hide" the thoughts that I won't be relaying here in some fiction, which is really what I am procrastinating at this very moment. Passing thought: have you noticed that myspace has made your spelling and grammar even worse? Trying to undo that so I don't *torchure* y'all. (note, I've corrected about four friggin' things already, just reading this over. sheesh). Tonight: saw a guy talk about how he was falsely convicted for murder for 11 years, then went and had some "NY" pizza in the Mission, and one of my favorite Butthole Surfers songs came on the mixtape they were playing, and it was a great moment and also a lonely moment because I wish I had someone to share this with. I'm a pretty damn good date with myself. But the best part of not being in a relationship is learning how to like yourself for the real you... har har... Before I came here (to the library), I dropped off a platter of meat and veggies that has been sitting in my fridge for a week at the apex of homelessness on Haight. My boss had given it to me, since I'm the homeless dude in the office, and in theory it saved me some money, but it was time to pass it on to the real homeless. It was literally two minutes out of my way, a two minutes that I've spent many times over refreshing inboxes awaiting a new message, so, hey... Maybe I'll go dancing later. 9:51 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, November 15, 2006 anybody wanna clean my apartment? if you're a cute girl I promise to make out with you after. muahaha. Currently listening : Pet Sounds By The Beach Boys Release date: By 13 July, 1999 3:00 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, November 10, 2006 al-Qaeda Gangsta rappers? So there's this new al-Queda vid (no it's not on MTV) where dude promises to blow up the White House and asks us to stay in Iraq because they haven't had enough American blood yet. Real clever stuff. 3:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, November 09, 2006 Back from Ghana! (West Africa) One of the most amazing experiences of my life! Put a lot of things in perspective. Pics and stories to come. Just wanted to touch base with you wacky Americanos. Currently listening : Bartender (I Just Want Your Company) By Hed Pe Release date: By 18 September, 2000 1:27 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, October 28, 2006 Laundry, doing security for a pornstar party, international flight That's my itinerary for the next 20 hours. 6:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, October 26, 2006 Static electricity shocks on the job There is a shitload of static electricity all over our suite right now. Before I turned the light on in my office, I got shocked by the phone and saw the spark in the dark. Everytime I touch the faucet or microwave or door handle I get shocked. I just saw the head of another department that shares the suite leap in the air when he got shocked on his way out the front door. When will this madness end? Currently listening : Size Matters By Helmet Release date: By 05 October, 2004 4:24 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, October 25, 2006 Why is the coolest shit on weeknights? for example, Tuesday night at Madrone on Divis kicks ass - the music is SICK and it feels like a funky old school house party. or Thurs at 330 Ritch or Abbey (sometimes) are a hoot. or do you remember Broke as Fuck at 26 Mix back in the daayyy? everything seems so overdone and overcrowded at most of the decent places in San Francisco on weekends - or completely dead or lame (like Haight at night vs. Haight during the day). it's weird like DAT. the problem is, I'm trying not to go out on weeknights - or at least not drink - mission accomplished last night: danced and spit lyrics completely sober. at least 540 is always the shit, riiight? Currently listening : Hairway to Steven By Butthole Surfers Release date: By 03 August, 1999 4:28 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, October 24, 2006 my fourth posting of the day cuz I'm crazy like DAT it doesn't really say anything. I swear. Like the majority of what comes out of my mouth. That's okay. Oxygen and carbon dioxide and all that is fairly interesting, so I at least do that okay. And I can digest food and sweat and stare very well. These are some of the things I am at least average at. 10:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove anticlimatic isn't it? I think this malaria medicine is making me feel weird, wouldn't you say? what? do you think . . . Currently listening : We the People By Flipsyde Release date: By 13 December, 2005 10:29 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove don't wanna (the future) I've come to this conclusion, folks. I don't wanna have to work hard TO work hard. In other words, I DO want to work hard but I don't want to have to beg for the opportunity to work hard. Just gimme the venue to be creative and blow things out the water already! Usually optimistic about the future, but sometimes I'm afraid I'm just gonna snap. My life is so *balanced* right now, one little thing could domino it over. Like if I didn't have my job, or my apartment. I know I've survived, under some crazy situations, and some shitty jobs. I don't mean to be a bummer, but it's sort of exciting and scary. Basically I feel very bratty and entitled about being acknowledged as a worthwhile artist and writer - I want MINE. I want to work hard but I don't want to have to beg for the opportunity to work hard. I hope this doesn't become the "get what you wish for" ironic horror thing... like those Tales from the Crypt scenarios where someone gets three wishes, such as seeing a dead relative, and then all of a sudden there's a corpse knocking on their door. OR (I'll never forget this one) the woman who not only wants her husband back, after he died in a car accident, but that he'll live forever. Problem is: he's already been EMBALMED. So he just screams in agony and we cut to the credits. No I don't want that. Should I end there? - Joe asks off-computer. (No, I've already signed my end of the deal seal.) What I do want: is to get paid to make obscure horror movie references. And don't worry, they will be much more relevant and so forth that these fucking blogs I'm scrawling in my shit and piss. Believe you me. I want MINE. Thanks. 5:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove You're the best around or so I'm told by inspirational 80's underdog songs - such as "You're the Best Around" from the Karate Kid soundtrack. or a number of Rocky soundtrack songs. "Fight til you drop / never stop / until you reach the top... when you're still standing / you hear the final bell," and it's just got that groove baby. Problem is: if everybody else who's as dorkomacho as me also believes this (the blue collar American dream) how can we all win? Or can there be more than one best? "Fight Club" addresses this issue, how we're all conditioned to believe we're the "one," or "one of the ones" who will get on TV, and so forth. but the thing is, all arrogance aside, I really am a living legend (believe you me) but I pity the fools who aren't gonna hear the final bell. Is life really just a capitalist tournament (as depicted by these songs)? well whatever, they make me smile and pump me up at the same time, at the gym, at the computer lab (since my fuckin laptop passed away this weekend on a steroid overdose), just walking down the street strutting my shit for the hotties. haha. Currently listening : The Karate Kid (1985 film) By Survivor Release date: By 16 May, 2000 4:40 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, October 22, 2006 I think my laptop is fried and that's really just not healthy... 9:45 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, October 19, 2006 How to numb the taste of really bad California cafetaria pizza Burn it in the oven! It works every time. 1:24 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, October 16, 2006 the Alarm Clock of Evil Shit, an alarm clock is bad enough, let alone a bolt of lightning going through a metal rod stuck in your chest. Even if Jason is DEAD and feels no pain and blah blah blah, I still think he'd roll over and groan before he rose. The guy has to be severely depressed. Even with all his rage, he's gonna mope sometime, and I think being woken is a good time to mope. 5:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove crawling... (why the Friday the 13th movies are NOT realistic) *Warning, Spoilers Ahead Crawling out of bed today was like crawling out of a grave. A very comfortable grave, mind you. Which brings me to a major relevation: the Friday the 13th movies are not realistic. I'm not even talking about the supernatural shit - shh, be patient. I'm saying; think of how tired/exhausted you are from daily life, or the gym, or a hangover, or from getting hit with an axe and rocks a few times. No way in hell are you gonna wake up after being set on fire and electrocuted, with your eyes gauged out, and just get right up. I don't care if it's lightning or some voodoo spell or if you just had to piss really bad. You're gonna lay there for a few minutes AT LEAST, maybe roll over a few times. You're probably gonna SNOOZE. Especially someone as fiesty, angry, and well - let's face it - grumpy as Jason Voorhees, you're gonna feel too grouchy and unmotivated to even want to get up and start mauling teens and cops. Right? And come on, you wake up chained to the bottom of a lake, after being conked out and medically dead for years, you're gonna lay down on the dock for AT LEAST a minute or two. Does anyone else see how unrealistic these movies are? Or maybe I'm just revealing something about myself. Maybe I don't have the same drive and determination as supernatural killers from franchise horror series. We all have to come to terms with who we are at some point. That's the moral. Currently watching : Thumbsucker Release date: By 24 January, 2006 4:02 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, October 15, 2006 Danced my hindquarters off -- the Method Man show... KICKED ASS! KICKED ASS! KICKED ASS! 6:03 PM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, October 14, 2006 I haven't been to the beach in weeks. I'm going right now! Um, yeah, that was all I had to say. 3:58 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, October 13, 2006 thank you, Chino Moreno & Phil Anselmo, for giving voice You know what it sounds like inside HERE. 3:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, October 12, 2006 missed the dang Lily Allen show... Had a nice romantic stroll with myself on the way over, haha, but I was about fifteen people from the door. I knew I should have went over early - the beats sounded sick through the wall, haha (I'm into type-laughing tonight). Oh well... Also, having lived in San Francisco for so long, I have to say that parking lots are sexy! You don't see a lot of open spaces in the "urban" parts of the city, so there's a lot of breathing room and possibility. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, you've probably never spent much time (or tried to park) in a real city. Nice night tonight. Wow I'm having conversations about the weather with myself... and "you." Tootaloo mazzfuckazzz. Currently listening : Alright, Still By Lily Allen Release date: By 01 August, 2006 11:54 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove on the DL (download) I want that one and that one... and that one... whoah what's THAT? is that legit? and that one... I, hmm, yeah this one I guess... OH, I definitely want THAT one and... 6:25 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, October 11, 2006 Blog .4 of the day I am still capable of counting up to nine... but that's about it... got my project for work in on time and it was well-received. My eyes are very tired right now... when the {expletive deleted} is our delivery gonna come so I can go handle that and crawl into bed? Actually I'll probably watch some Freddy vs. Jason with the commentary audio track going, cuz I'm that hard of a gangsta, and THEN I will rest for a bit. Today's a gym day, but I feel I'd dislocated my cornea (knock on wood) if I did anything, at least before a nap. Currently listening : Stop Making Sense By Talking Heads Release date: By 25 October, 1990 3:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove giving away a small belly Sometimes it's gone for days but it comes back, particularly when quesadillas are around. answers to various names. usually quiet and hardly ever makes a mess. anyone interested? I'll even cover the registration fees. Currently listening : Beyond the Valley of the Murderdolls By Murderdolls Release date: By 21 October, 2003 7:43 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove cut to 2 hours later um, yeah... so how about I actually START what I came in for... ? that earl grey tea and milk sure helped me queue up a shitload of music. ;) now I need coffee for the real shit. 7:31 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove up for the day often I'm up at this time (5:20am) but it's when I'm finishing off my day. I am proud (?) to say that I am UP for the day today - it is the beginning of "today" for me. Got a lot to do at work. Sort of an interesting memory lane on my way over to the office (things I can't disclose here of course). ;) Currently listening : Reinventing the Steel By Pantera Release date: By 21 March, 2000 5:21 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, October 10, 2006 you can get thizzle, you can get hiffey, but it's WU TANG MOTHAFUCKA!! Mef is one of the best live emcees ever. He puts on a SHOW. Currently listening : Saturday Night Wrist By Deftones Release date: By 31 October, 2006 3:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove I lower my INTERGRITY with you, and I'm LONELY when I don't There's a "social" paradox for you. Re: the philosophy of the little head. muahaha. 4:11 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, October 09, 2006 so much drama in the LBC and EVERYWHERE else for that matter. what the--? is October designated Drama Month or what? I thought we weren't dressing up as uglies until Halloween? "everywherrre I turn" there's drama. I'm trying not to let it seep into my own life but it's right there at the periphery. I've even overheard strangers with all sorts of shady drama (ex: girls scheming about guys scheming about...) why have I been cycling between wound up/agitated and plain exhausted? damn you stress, please be gone by the weekend (even though there's already drama creeping up around that). bleep it, I'm gonna to the gym! 4:32 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, October 08, 2006 My cookin' has mad game It's a limited menu, but I make a mean: Chicken caesar salad (this has been a crowd favorite since '03) Marinara ziti (the true classic - since '01) Various baked chicken dishes: lately of the Lemon Egg variety, but also BBQ Honey Spicy chicken Teriyaki noodles and chicken Salsa fish filets with lemon Teriyaki BBQ Hawaiin cheese burgers (able to keep a disfunctional relationship going for a whole semester with these puppies!) I'm not even counting the Back in '99 After Malthouse Free-for-All Group Omelettes, but that's what got me started, really. My greasy roots... I don't do dessert (besides the College Munchie Tiger style), but I'll cut some oranges. No actually: Baked honey cinnamon bananas just may do the trick. Chocolate strawberry-banana-blueberry soy smoothies, anyone? I don't know the fancy measurements and I don't cut up veggies much. Having put in my share of blue-collar over-night work, I'm like McGuyver with a can of tuna, an egg, and a microwave. Seriously. I'd pat myself on the back, but first lemme flip over the fish filets in the oven grill and put on some more lemon and salsa. Currently listening : Heartwork By Carcass Release date: By 07 September, 2004 10:08 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, October 04, 2006 I'm proposing Current mood: Lectored out A grant, that is. Gonna get on my knees, hand over my project statement, hope to get funded... a twinkle in my eye. Wish me luck. It's pretty intense. By the end of a practice run-through, I said to my colleague: "Yes I still hear the cry of the lambs in the morning." Sheesh Currently listening : Monochrome By Helmet Release date: By 18 July, 2006 6:32 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Glad I have a cool boss Seriously! That's all I gotta say! Thank you, Jesus. 4:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, October 03, 2006 I'm trying... I really am, I think. One day my apartment will be clean. I swear. One day I will unpack the ironing board. One day I will put sheets on my bed. The bathroom... um... One day I will throw away / sort the "rest of" my unpacking that is fahcking up half of my living room. One day I will update my website (midnightpudding.com, ahem, a bunch of stuff I once promoted like a fiend and now detest). One day I will finish all the shit at work that is due next week at work. One day I will submit the grant applications that are due at the end of the month. One day I will go to a vipassana meditation retreat in early '07 and purify my mind by not speaking to anyone for nine days. One day I will have medical benefits. One day there will be little me's running around (hooooo boy). One day [okay your turn] Currently listening : Sad Sappy Sucker By Modest Mouse Release date: By 24 April, 2001 11:53 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, October 02, 2006 Tom told me to tell you Tom told me to tell you that hes not really telling me this I in fact am making it up the fact that I'm not even capitalizing tom half of the time or using punctuation may also help clooooo you in. Anyways Tom told me to tell you that although hes not actchooly tellin me any of htis at all but he told me to tell you that if he wanted to tell you something he wouldnt tell me to tell you to tell other people. what he would do is use hsi own profile and tell you hisself. see? 5:56 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, October 01, 2006 My NYC peoples Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! 5:25 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tell Joe What the *Eff* to Do Vol. 2 I'm back, kids. This is where you ask me questions and I answer them. I know I flaked on ya... Gabi, Britt, Melissa, Matt... I know I totally PLAYED YA! It was an email one-night stand, and I got what I wanted out of it, so I just left ya in the cold. I'm sorry. I've grown as a person since then. I hope you didn't lose your job or anything, all worked up about the injustice. I did feel guilty at points, I swear. I actually have basic responses saved on my computer from MONTHS ago, but I don't have my laptop right now... however, since I'm feeling all talkative on coffee and don't have anyone to talk to, I will type something up from scratch. [Gawd I'm *effing* neurotic. What the *eff* are you asking me for help anyway? I'm Woody Allen and Joe Pesci's test-tube love child, and I don't even have a film career. I'm the guy who would beat someone with a telephone ("what do I look like, an effing honk-at-me clown!) and THEN gripe about it "like a lil bitch" while walking down a city street, needing some support. And by the way, when I said coffee, I meant COFFEE. Don't get any smart-bum ideas about euphemisms, or I'll kick your *effing* bum. (so what if you're a woman? I'll put on a "your boyfriend" lookalike suit and beat the shit out of you with a pillow until your lip balm is all over the walls. WHAT!) Whattaya expect, ya just stepped into my caffeinated neurotic psyche. Um, I better get into the questions... I'm sure this portion will be used as court evidence someday anyone.] [Why did I procrastinate so long on just getting this thing out? I guess I had "early success" with Vol. 1 and it was daunting to follow up. Not even sure if this is funny, but the *eff* with it. I gotta move on with my life, my peoples.] Gabi (Tupper Lake, Syracuse, all over) had an etiquette question, having borrowed a bottle opener from her roommate (for her bottle-opening related job, mind you), which she accidentally dropped in the toilet (her cellphone must have been nearby!), and she's wondering, well... what the *eff* to do. Ironically, Gabi no longer lives with this cwazy, cwazy chick, but I'll bite my flabby tongue about the details (I rarely censor myself, but I don't need to air people's dirty laundry... sheeit I have enough of my own to take care of, OBVIOUSLY). I would suggest to buy a new one, wash the old one, and then tell her about it, and see what she wants to do. Maybe the old one is a family *airloom* or something. Gabi, you can tell me during commercial break, what did you end up doing, since I took two months to actually answer this question? (This is like the Late Show, when the host and guest lean and talk to each other over their coffee as we cut to break). [cut to backstage VIP eavesdrop Cam...] Some unsolicited advice: get a real job! Okay, we're back. Britt (Tupper Lake, NY) or whatever heart-star-asterisk symbol she is this day (talk about internet identity issues!) asked about Howard Dean's grunt noise, maybe just trying to make some conversation while she drank a beer and typed on the internet, asked what I thought of it. I don't think about it, Britt. I really don't. I DO enjoy some good grunts on a rock/metal tune however, when I'm in the right mood. [note: in my initial "unpublished" response from months ago, I analyzed her punctuation as a means of procrastinating this question, and I'm not sure if it's funny or just doo-doo dumb, but maybe I'll release it on the Tell Joe What the *Eff* to Do b-sides, for all you completists out there... um, actually, I'm probably the only completist, and IIII don't even give a shtupid-shnip about it, doood]. Brit, I would much rather hear an upstate NY macho grunt thing ya hear at the bar. You KNOW what I'm talking about ("Jesus Christ, [insert last name here], what took YA so long?! Were ya poaching at the Museum?]. Seriously, it's endearing in a blue-collar way -- of course if you ever told one of those guys that, they'd grunt, "Fag," but even that would be endearing. I would prefer, however, if they used the term, "gaylord." That's more PC. Oh what's a metrosexual boy to do... Um, so yeah... Howard Dean, yeah, any endearing idiosyncracy works great for a politician, or public figure, or pop star, or whatevs, for that matter. Even all the shit talking about Bush for this or that mannerism is still promotion. C'mon, Britt, you're an *effing* journalist - cut it with the rhetorical questions! Melissa (Tupper Lake, NY) had a married couple's intellectual debate question about Jack Sparrow from "Pirates of the Carribean," and whether he was more of a Shakespearean Falstaff archetype or a Shaggy (Scooby Doo) fella... Um, Melissa, I don't even need to insert a punchline, that's *effing* funny! I think that would be a great extra-credit assignment for some of your students. If you overhear anyone saying "fag," even in jest, require them to do it. To answer your question: yes. Does that work? I'm so *effing* sick of people's opinions and interpretations, even my own. I believe Mr. Sparrow touches both ends of these archetypal characteristics and purposes. Which leads me to a grievance I must air: not every thing is "this or that" or "and / or" - sometimes things can be "both / and". In other words, life isn't full of right or wrong, this or that, yay or nay... there's a LOT of gray area. So just because Mr. Sparrow (intentionally or not on the creators' behalf) overlaps certain characterics and functions of Falstaff does not automatically invalidate the Shaggy theory. I would suggest marriage counseling. (Hey, hey, security! Security!) Matt (of Chicago, Beverly/Boston, SF, and now of Boston), who's not even on myspace, emailed me this whole thing about free will and blah de dah blah. We already talked about it on the phone, and I don't feel like answering it anymore here. It's my *effing* choice... or is it my predisposition... Grrrrr! Actually, it's BOTH! Remember what the *eff* I just *effing* said about not being polemic (like a typical politician). Example, maybe someone's not a "fag." Maybe they're bi? (aka "half-a-fag"). Alright, I had enough of this *turdage*. Got any questions, you know where the *eff* to send em. 1:33 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Scary random things about human psychology in group mentality One of my online buddies, Regan, posted something about the two young boys who tortured and murdered the 3-year-old back in '93. This was my response to her but I decided to post it here too: You know what was messed up about that too was the fact that A LOT of people saw them dragging the boy through town, all bloody and crying, and no one did or said anything. they just assumed it was "okay" since no one else did anything - total diffusion of responsibility. (yet if someone cut them off in traffic, I'm sure they woulda honked). Are you familiar with the Kitty Genovese (sp?) incident in Long Island in the 70s? I don't remember the exact details (although they're just a google or wikipedia away, ya know the "exact details," haha), but she was murdered over HOURS on a main street with dozens of witnesses in the neighborhood, and no one called the police, assuming someone else had. Her would-be killer came back multiple times over the hours as she dragged herself down the street toward her home. That's sooooooooooo crazy that this happened like that. ...and let's not even get started on the sort of ape-work that happens in riots and group freakouts. Currently reading : The Unsettling: Stories By Peter Rock Release date: By 03 April, 2006 12:32 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, September 30, 2006 Got a hardhead and vest yo I am officially a member of NERT (Neighborhood Emergency Response Team) - civilian volunteer assistants to the fire department in the event of a major disaster (earthquake, district-wide fires, terrorism). If nothing else, it's good info for one to know, so they can protect themselves and their family. In theory, the federal government has provided funding for communities to implement this program. I suggest checking with your local fire department. Currently listening : Ill Communication By Beastie Boys Release date: By 31 May, 1994 4:16 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

you gotta protect these fuckin kids! Now I'm not trying to justify ANY homicides, but school authorities and organizations need to use more common sense so they can provide basic emotional protection for all students (re: bullying and verbal/physical abuse). Teenagers are already under turmoil and fuckin crazy (a "fuckin crazy" that we hide or seal up a little better as we become prim, mature, proper adults that usually only comes out if someone messes with our car, home, love, kids, or if we've had enough to drink). Teenagers are already fuckin crazy and DUH how many times is someone gonna get picked on, particularly if they are not able to defend themselves (for whatever reason) before they flip the fuck out. Now again, I am not justifying any type of shooting/etc, but it just seems so goddamn obvious what the brewing chemicals are for these type of things, yet the circumstances continue. Keep rubbing two sticks together and... 1:46 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Friday, September 29, 2006 oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aiyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (just trying to get my energy up) 4:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Thursday, September 28, 2006 support tha troops all of 'em. just a suggestion. 7:39 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Sunday, September 24, 2006 An apology to my liver Please don't leave me. I'm so sorry. I should treat you better. I should take you out to dinner more often. I shouldn't throw drinks in your face like that - it's rude, I know. Sometimes you seem needy, codependent even. But let's face it - my life is much better with you, so I will learn. I will have to... Baby? 9:36 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Friday, September 22, 2006 Gawd I love Stairmaster Well, it's sort of a love-hate relationship actually, but when it's good, it's GOOD. I feel fuckin great when I bust my ass on there, and I know I'm getting in better shape, and there is endless eye candy going by, and LATELY, I've started to realize that I'M reciprical eye candy to some of this eye candy, and that's especially motivational. Or maybe I'm just an awkward sweaty spectacle, but hey, it's still attention, riiiight? When I get going, and get past the kinks, it's a pretty intense rush. And the great thing is, *to a certain extent* it's helped regulate my party life and other, ahem, nighttime decisions - because things are now contextualized in the sense of "Will that totally undermine my last ass-busting sess with the Stairmaster" and/or "Maaaan I'm gonna be hurting on the Stairmaster tomorrow. "Which izzzzzz goooood, which izzzzzzz goooooood" -ODB Currently listening : 10,000 Days By Tool Release date: By 02 May, 2006 8:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Freebie Master 2: The Cheap Bastard Strikes Need free coffee, tea, or catering? Follow me! 3:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Freebie Master (stick with me, kid) Given how quake-spensive living in Frizzzzz is, I've implemented a strategy to make the most of it. I am: the Freebie Master. There are free readings by big time and up-and-coming authors all the effin time - always inspiring and informative, for a nerd like me. There are a lot of free music events too. Now I'm not even getting into using old wristbands to get into venues, and VIP shite, and all that jazz. I'm talking honest to goodness Freebie Master workings y'all. Also see: free printing at... [] As I figured, the Les Claypool reading (yes dude from Primus wrote a novel - guess I'll just have to get it from the library - FREE) was so packed they actually locked the store - City Lights. I rushed back across the city to catch the free DJ Shadow show -- as also expected that was packed but I got a spot. And when they started offering FREEstylers to come up on stage, I brushed past hundreds of people but then they didn't do the freestyling anymore. However, I found myself at the front of the stage, again, for free. Could catch him again tonight along with Massive Attack for FREE in Berkeley (not that the show itself is free) but I should take it easy. Got a free Neighborhood Emergency Response Team class earlier tomorrow, and then the free house/triphop festival downtown. You see where I'm going with this. P.S. Not gonna mention any music and film freebies, besides, well free screenings and promos, but you can use your imagination. Currently reading : Glamorama. By Bret Easton Ellis Release date: By 01 August, 2001 1:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Thursday, September 21, 2006 Dugly Uckling I'm hatching... I'm blossoming... Let's just hope there's something good inside. And maybe a laminated two-book deal some where in the yolk. Currently reading : Jesus' Son: Stories by By Denis Johnson Release date: By 15 December, 1993 2:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 Ok... I lied (epic) It's amazing. What is IT? (to quote Faith No More). IT is life, I guess. I guess that's what amazes me. Life never ceases to amaze me. It's crazy - how much people can affect you, both good and bad. I like to think of myself as an individual and independent, but I am definitely a social creature (since, um, ya know, I'm human and all). I can stay in and do my own thing for long chunks of time, as long as I am entertained and feel productive. But I do like to hang out, meet new people, learn new places. People and THEIR lives definitely spice up my own - they make me feel like I "have a life." However, sometimes I wonder what the returns are in the end - when other people's drama gets shit-shoveled in my face, and I STILL try to help - yet somehow this is still not enough, and they want to suck more of me into their "magnet tar pit trap." Even the fact that I'm writing this blog is further proof that I need to do some spring-cleaning of who I associate with. ...until I get bored and find myself in a whole new avalanche of drrrama... Currently listening : Strap It On By Helmet Release date: By 08 December, 1992 2:21 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Tuesday, September 19, 2006 I'm at peace It's GREAT. I think I've grown immune to angst (and some other poisonous interiorities). I mean, don't get me wrong - you may see me in a roadrage case at any point. But that aside, I'm AT PEACE. --Post-Joe 2:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, September 18, 2006 Can't imagine doing anything for the rest of my life My current job is cool and non-stressful, and my boss is amazing and has my back, but I get so bored and unfocused sometimes (like right now). When I'm interested or care about something, I will bust my ass... I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. I'm trying not to take my current situation for granted... I need book deals, paying gigs, and artistic fellowships dammit... 4:49 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Saturday, September 16, 2006 Public Service Announcement: Flakes, Blow-offers, String-alongers (professional and private) Go to hell. If you can remember to do so. Have a nice day. If you can follow through on that one. Currently reading : Lunar Park By Bret Easton Ellis Release date: By July, 2006 12:22 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Friday, September 15, 2006 ah the weekend I gotsa get up bright and early tomorrow for NERT (Neighborhood Emergency Response Team) training -- actually the next three Sats, but it's for a good cause (ie; my safety and yours). That aside, I look forward to coffee, and tea with honey and lemon, and food, and movies, and reading, and writing, and the beach, and sleeping. And that's it. Currently reading : Lunar Park By Bret Easton Ellis Release date: By July, 2006 5:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Thursday, September 14, 2006 Sun vs. Sleep Current mood: mellow as fooch I'm all about going out and living life, pushing myself, getting new experiences, venturing, getting physically/mentally exhausted in the name of personal/artistic growth... I'm not saying I'm an early riser or anything, but I like living, I like life, yadda yada... However I've been on a major sleep binge, and would have continued if I didn't have to go into work today. Having crazy dreams, and just enjoying being alone and out of the world. If it's depression, it sure is entertaining. It's the kind of sleeping I'd do when first coming home from college breaks *back in the day*. Even though I feel really well-rested, I want to go back into the darkness and have more visceral crazy dreams, and not define myself by anything external, and not check my email, and not answer my phone, and just enjoy being me. Alone. ;) 2:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

REVEALING THE "SECRET" ENTRIES Part 2

Monday, September 11, 2006 Case of the Mondays One Monday is enough, but apparently I have a whole case of them. I would love to go into a sensory deprivation water chamber for a couple of hours and just float in some womb-temperature darkness. Anybody with me on that one? Gonna have to drag myself to the gym one Ipod drum-beat/footstep out a time... Currently reading : Lunar Park By Brett Easton Ellis Release date: By 16 June, 2006 5:30 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, September 07, 2006 writing a book that I would want to read is effin hard (and fun) I think I summed it up right there. ;) 2:35 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, September 06, 2006 Ab workout to "Leper Messiah" Ever done abs to "Leper Messiah"? You can feel the access skin just falling away. ;) Currently listening : Master of Puppets By Metallica Release date: By 25 October, 1990 11:04 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, September 05, 2006 Large Marge scared the shit out of me ...when I was getting babysat as a wee lad. As soon as those eyes popped out of her head, I yelped and ran across the room and turned the VCR off. My babysitter promised that THIS was the only scary part in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" and we continued watching the movie. For years after, I would always turn my head whenever that part was coming up, although I'd ride the wire as close as possible. These days it looks like really silly clayanimation. I think this was the same babysitter who told me girls HER age sweat and need to wear deodurant. I've seen and heard much weirder things while being babysat, but that's enough of childhood psych for today. So, tell me, what are some weird *learnings* you've had while being babysat, or during a sleepover? Hmm...? Currently reading : Less Than Zero (Vintage Contemporaries) By Bret Easton Ellis Release date: By 30 June, 1998 2:00 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Hard keeping up I haven't checked myspace or any internet shite for that matter in four days. I feel great - PURGED in fact. I am really gonna try not to even go on this shit everyday anymore, really. I've kinda flaked on some blog things I've promised, but I will try to eventually get to them. It's hard keeping up with internet update shit - I mean, my uber-pride for my own website (midnightpudding.com) has lately turned into embarrassment over the dust all over it. See I didn't even activate the link, you'd have to copy n paste or TYPE IT YOURSELF. I'd like to do more with that site... AT LEAST I have finally begun throwing away three years' worth of class handouts and old bills and all that jazz. Maybe one I day I will actually be ORGANIZED. AND not be anal-retentive about it either... Wish me luck, frakers. 1:35 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, August 20, 2006 Recording studio Just spent a good day in the studio with my hip hop partner in crime, Mack Mike. Good times, but it's such a mindfuck too, cuz things that sounded good during the take don't sound good on the mic and verse versa etc etc... Gotta marinate on the new material for a bit. The whole music process is so manic-depressive idn't it? No more coffee for this guy tonight!! ;) Sometimes you gotta blow off steam from blowing off steam... 8:59 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, August 17, 2006 Nerding out on self-improvement Just accidentally deleted this whole spiel about self-improvement and how this can be a positive *binge*... how self-improvement behaviors and actions are on the flipside of the OTHER ways we blow off steam, those more "destructive" binges, "functional" or not. It was nice to write that entry and all, but I don't feel like redoing it. I basically just catalogued a bunch of FREE classes and fitness services that I'm signed up for, all within a five minute stroll of where I live and work. Also mentioned how *challenging* myself in these ways is more bad-ass (for me) than the same old schtick. 4:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, August 16, 2006 Spanish class Current mood: entusiasmado It's official - I will be taking my first Spanish class at the end of this month. It's four mornings a week, which kinda blows, cuz (as you may know) I'm not exactly an early riser. However, it's good incentive to get my day going, and I can switch my work schedule too since I'm already up and get OUT of work earlier or get in and OUT of the gym earlier (lord I prayeth there still be equivalent candy for my eyes) (and lord, whateth of the female classmates, ese?). This is a new challenge, hopefully humbling and rewarding, and I mothafreeeking look forward to it. 5:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, August 15, 2006 Addiction & other things I am officially addicted to downloading music - at least in binges. I can refrain for months at a time, but once I start, hooo boy. I had to do some things to my computer to prevent me from even accessing it for a little bit, at least until I catch up on a lot of shit I should have been doing instead. Jeez. I mean, it'll all be stuff I can listen to at the gym, so it is altruistic in that sense... but in a ridiculous way, this amount of downloading has been affecting my DAILY LIFE. Other random stuff: Trying to register for a Spanish class... prepping for my trip to Ghana with my father to help administer polio vaccinations (polio is a MAJOR problem in Africa and many other parts of the world)... cleaning the house, especially before I let the landlord in again... now the gas hubs are leaking on the OTHER side... shopping for things I need around the house now that I've gotten to payday again and caught up on medical crap... etc etc... signed up for Emergency Response class, looking forward to that... will I have time for Tai Chi? Is there no happy medium between "too much free time" and SUPER busy? Thanks for SKIMMING this ;) 5:26 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, August 10, 2006 no that's the pee hole. Dear Reader, What were you expecting to find here? 11:05 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wanna drive me nuts? Here's how... Plant an idea or two or three in my mind (usually while I'm laying down starting to fall asleep). These ideas tend to be writing related, but it can be some other plan for life, or general "ground-breaking" philosophy, etc. Allow me to consider getting up and jotting it down but knowing, really, knowing that gee whiz this time will be different; this time I will remember it. Also allow me to give myself clues, such as "There are four points to remember. Two and three both have to deal with Tommy's character... after the accident," or something like that. Sometimes I remember none, sometimes I remember all. Today I remembered three out of four things and I remember the "CLUE" but not the thing. Clearly if it was that important I would have written it down. Keep in mind, this is after I HAVE gotten up in the middle of the night and scrawled away or tapped at the keyboard and then laid BACK down and then this happens... Everything "feels" fine except that one missing scratchy thing in my mind. Can you say 'compartmentalizing' folks? What do you think - you get to be my fuggin psychologist for the day. Currently reading : Stumbling on Happiness By Daniel Gilbert Release date: By 02 May, 2006 2:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove fruit is the new junk food. and cigs are bad for you... beeyotch. gawd I love shopping at night... especially when things are on sale. especially after wandering along Ocean Beach, and seeing a fox (literally), and hearing some people sleeping under the "natural overpass" near the CliffHouse (I think), and singing to myself loud with nobody in hearing distance (I think), and peeing in bushes near creepy entryways to who-knows-where... especially after seeing a particularly novel lit event today: Tommy Chong... "love yourself"... and all I have to do is move my car for street-cleaning. and then I'll have a quesadilla. yes I know it's late. and I'm trying to lose more tum. but... I had some fruit (the new junk food), and "hid" the real junk food... and I've been busting my ass on stairmaster. as far as busting my ass on stairmaster, I would like to thank: Suicidal Tendencies (the band, dummy), the Game, Gravediggaz, & Tupac as of late. thanks. thanks for reading this. and leave a comment, pal. :) you really should. peace. 3:51 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, August 09, 2006 feels good to be in the groove been writing lots, feeling more inspired AND productive than I have in a bit... shorter pieces... a good way to procrastinate those unfinished novel manuscriptS that have been sitting around but I'll get to those bastards too... I'm just playing hard to get with the manuscripts, so they know they really want it, so they know they want my last name on them... trust me... ah it feels good (did I already say that?)... so uh is it too late to do some cleaning and organizing of the apartment? ;) hell nah Currently listening : Suicidal for Life By Suicidal Tendencies Release date: By 14 June, 1994 4:23 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, August 08, 2006 lookin like a schlop but then I put on my sneakers, which somehow made my strewn together "dress-up" day-job outfit ironic... or something. Thank you. 2:02 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, August 06, 2006 Today was a funny-ass day Golden Gate Park, that's all I have to say... I'm so tired from the sensory overload, drums, hacky sac, monks trying to sell me religious books, fire dancers for Burning Man, eye candy, homeless women playing percussion on bottles, methed-out drummers ranting instead of playing, freestyling, hippies, guitars, walking, sitting, etc. Coffee and meat for me, thanks. 7:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, August 03, 2006 Have You Ever? (survey) H a v e y o u e v e r: STREAKED - socks on cocks, yo LOVED SOMEONE AND THEY DIDNT KNOW IT - I misread this as "and they didn't love you back" but yeah I guess... or at least, extreme infatuation WALKED IN ON YOUR PARENTS HOOKING UP - when I was very young, I learned the merits of knocking ATE SOME FOOD AND YOU DIDNT KNOW WHAT IT WAS - uh, I gues BROKEN BONES - volleyball, messed up a pinky; did something to my collarbone later on during the "socks on cocks" night when I tried to flip off a chair (luckily I was clothed by that point) but I almost got my bandana smacked off STITCHES - no GOTTEN LOCKED OUT OF YOUR PLACE - if I was visiting somebody... also, been locked out of the car with other people H o w m a n y t i m e s- HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER - twice, never got a tick GOTTEN CAUGHT CHEATING - not that per se, but misunderstandings about "open relationships" and also whether we were "exclusive" or not BURNT YOUR MOUTH ON A HOT POCKET - pizza DONE THE RIGHT THING WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING - oh yeah T e l l a t i m e w h e n y o u- MADE A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH - voice mail voice mail voice mail? (like the beginning of Swingers, haha) DONE SOMETHING NICE BUT IT BLEW UP IN YOUR FACE - jeah FAILED AN EXAM - French class... aye yi yi BITCHED SOMEONE OUT AND FELT BAD AFTERWARDS - me??? ;) ASKED YOUR CRUSH OUT - fa sho GOT CAUGHT IN A LIE - not exactly, I'm pretty honest, but I've been *called out* F i r s t s: THE FIRST TIME YOU REALLY FELL IN LOVE - real love... I think in Plattsburgh while my girl watched me play Street Fighter II YOUR FIRST KISS - under the bridge in Saranac Lake is where I drew some tongue... YOUR FIRST JOB - stuff for my dad, but really McD's FIRST CRUSH - haha, Dina, I was TWO YEARS OLD!!! (I was kicking it to her in pre-K)... FIRST DATE - hmm, probably some outing in high school, but as far as the more official "let's go on a date" - wasn't until a few years ago, in grad school, when I know longer had those casual dorm encounters/etc FIRST PARTY - as far as that kind of party, Sarah's in 12th FIRST HANGOVER - haha, the next day... hoooo boy... FIRST TIME YOUR PARENTS WERE REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU - gee willicer, I don't know T e l l m e w h a t y o u t h i n k o f w h e n y o u h e a r- ORANGE - Brooklyn accent MUFFIN - that other people use this as a connotation SONG - Chili Peppers HORSE - uh Morgan who posted this is apparently really into them CAN - of course I can... especially with a can in my hand RED - yeah SEX - glistening FEMALE - juicy MYSPACE - uggh FAVORITE - juice CRUSH - none LUST - Pink Floyd, "Young Lust" P i c k o n e (and no neither or both answers)- BLACK OR WHITE - black SCRAMBLED OR SUNNY SIDE UP - sunny PICTURES OR MEMORIES - memories ROLLER COASTERS OR WATER SLIDES -roller coasters LAKE OR OCEAN - ocean BEACH VACATION OR MOUNTAIN CLIMBING - beach RUNNING OR WALKING - walk BIKES OR CARS - car FAKE OR REAL NAILS - real DRESS UP OR DOWN - down ON TOP OR ON BOTTOM - we'll see SPICES OR REAL FLAVOR - spices with real flavor MYSPACE OR FACEBOOK -my LOVE OR LUST - love with lust HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY - half full SODA OR WATER - water LIQUOR OR BEER - beer CITY OR COUNTRY - city SMART OR FUNNY - funny 7:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Things I do at work to entertain myself (v. 2.0) I put up signs around our office - balancing the bite of the message with "cute" clip art. Ex: The garbage in our suite is not changed much, and given all the mice roaming campus, I stuck up a sign that said: "Thinking of putting food in here? PLEASE DON'T." Then there's the "cute" mouse clip art. I also made a sign to stick on our front door with a reference to the movie "Clerks": to make sure that people rest assured that we are open (due to some construction effing up our reception area). It's a semi-obscure reference, but it'll be worth the chuckles of those who get. I once put up a sign on the vending machine right outside our office about how it wasn't working (cuz everyone kept coming in and asking me about it as if we were responsible for a vending machine the hallway -- keep in mind this a college campus). So I put up a message with "for ever? for ever ever? for ever ever" in it, a reference to both Outkast and Kayne West, and it was a pleasure to hear people laugh about it when they passed. And also it cut down a LOT on the annoying hot girls coming in and asking for change or complaining to me. And you thought I was gonna write something nashty didn't ya? Ya shodden-freuden perv. I'm at work! Currently listening : Rocky IV By Original Soundtrack Release date: By 28 February, 2006 4:43 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, August 02, 2006 Feeling the burn, honeypie Current mood: healthy & hungreeee Ahhhh it feels good to be back at the gym. I'm sort of limited due to, um, 4x4 inches of burns on my left fuckin arm, but I'm trying the best I can, trying to feel the burn, ya know from the inside out. Currently listening : Iron Maiden By Iron Maiden Release date: By 26 March, 2002 7:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove I'm actually a thirteen-and-a-half year old boy, sorry girls (clarified version) Hi, I have a confession. I'm actually a thirteen year old boy. I fibbed on myspace as a social type experiment, and also as a school project, honest. When we have to write what we did during summer vacation, I wanted to have something interesting, about how I met some girls who are waaaaay too old for me. And how they gave me lots of lol's and xoxo's ! ! ! I accidentally mentioned all this to my parents when I came home late on a sugar rush (my curfew was 8pm, but I didn't come in until 8:30!!). They made me write this. My parents said that's dangerous to pose as someone older than I am. The girls on here are well into their twenties, and sometimes they curse or show their CLEAVAGE or call me pimp. My parents don't want it to end up like that woman schoolteacher who did sex stuff with her student - although they did get a bookdeal and tv show out of it. (please don't be mad Dad for me contridicting you in public again). Sorry girls, you're gonna have to wait another four years and four months and two weeks... if you're not married by then. :( You can still send me packages and candy if you want, but my parents will be screening things. Just like halloween. Please keep it PG-13, mamas. I'll see you when I'm old enough to drive and move out on my own. Sincerely, Joey (Age 13.5) 12:09 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, July 31, 2006 finally going back... ...to the gym today. first time in about 3 weeks. between vacation and all that I probably gained back most of what I busted my ass to get ridda... got a pretty goddamn good tan at least... except where I was sitting forward and got fold lines, so that when I stand all straight, I have a couple of White Stripes going across -- yeah even a *hot piece of ass* like me has some skin folds. sucks cuz I injured my wrist literally the last day on vacation while helping my dad put up a punching bag. I get all *sissy wrist* sometimes when I'm straining and I must have stretched a muscle or bone or nerve or something, but it's starting to get better. HOWEVER I just injured myself another way the other day, a way too embarassing to even disclose. you know if must be ridiculous. I'll try to do what I can though without turning myself into more of a gimp. 4:54 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, July 29, 2006 a cut above the rest sorry, INSIDE joke... I think I get it... 6:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, July 27, 2006 My life can beat up your life. The only afterwork commitment I have is going to the beach as much as possible... oh yeah, weight-lifting and bookstore readings. Keep in mind that going to the beach, for me, involves doing work (writing and reading), since it is the best office around. I don't have kids. Etc, etc. Yes there are always errands, and bills, and cleaning... bullshit former roommates trying to screw you on part of your security deposit. But at least you can take walks and listen to music while this is going on. It's building you toward being a better person, let's hope. On a daily basis, life is pretty friggin decent. I'm glad this day has come. ...I've given it some thought, and maybe it's for the better if our lives got along. Perhaps my life can beat up your life with striking, but yours may be better at grappling. If we combine forces, we could gang up on someone else's life. They we could split the booty and spoils. 3:40 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, July 25, 2006 TELL JOE WHAT THE HELL TO DO - Custom Results - Vol. 1 Last week I sent out a bulletin that offered *you* the opportunity to design your own topic, similiar to Dear Abbey/Ask So-and-So format, accept you can *TELL JOE WHAT THE HELL TO DO*. Here is the best of the first batch. JENNI (from CA then TX) asked about my "views on guests using your bar of soap in the shower and leaving their little hairs all over them?" First of all, I thought it was freakin' nice that Jenni allowed her guest to use the shower at all. She shoulda kicked them out at the crack of dawn. And it was even nicer that she let them use her bar of soap. It's completely wiggitywiggitywack that they left a dirty bar of soap after all this hospitality and kind-hearted outreach. I mean, did they eat all the marshmallows in the cereal when you made em breakfast too, dearie? Call me neurotic, but here's what the hell I would do: I would put out a new bar of soap for them and move mine elsewhere. No I'm not Scrooge McDuck either (use one of those mini bars that you jacked from a hotel, silly - I know you have em!). That defuses the problem - it's the path of least resistance. The same can be said for towels and floor mats -- drunk friends are gonna leave your toilet-side matt smelling like piss, and they're also gonna use your bath towels as something between a hand towel and a rag (doesn't matter if it's chicken wing sauce or creme de whatever from the fanciest wine-satured soiree in town - this sort of rudeness transcends class or circumstance). Does that help? Oh, and lock your car door, Jenni. Next up we have JAY (from CA and NM) calling in about European hair metal bands. Now I don't know if he's being a wise-acre or if this is a genuine concern of his. He doesn't specify a time period, whether he's referring to "retro" European hair metal bands or the earlier waves (no pun intended... not that it's a very good pun anyway). Well here's this dandy Wikipedia.org article for you, big guy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_metal Personally I'd take the Beatles over most of that shite anyday, but perhaps we could include "Helter Skelter" loosely in the first wave European Hair Metal cannon, no? Most of the "real" hair metal that I take, um, seriously turns out to be from LA (GNR and the Crue). Here's what the hell you should do: you really should be listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers anyway - their new album has some tongue-in-cheek (I think) glammy things going on in some of the songs, and it's really freakin' good. Plus Flea's from Australia, so that's more European than European, and he dyes his gray hair zany punk colors. Hope that helps, pal. BRANDY S. (from NY and VA) wanted to talk "socks - ugly socks." That's kinda hard to do - see, the gal is already commited to a non-Platonic relationship, and usually that kind of talk (about socks - ugly socks) would merit a personal message with scandalous commentary or a poorly judged public comment/bulletin of some dripping flirtatious nature. Honestly, I don't know too much about socks, ugly or not, Ms. S. I put em on my feet and I try to change em everyday. They're annoying if there are too many holes in them. Sometimes I don't keep one or both inside-out. I've recently started wearing black socks when I dress up and have shoes on (fellas take note... this strategy may score you a job, or a raise). But I'm not exactly what you would call a sock connosieur. Just for comin on down, here's your gift bag with your wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socks . Hey did you know socks comes from the Latin word, soccus? And it may have derived from the Ancient Greek word, sukkhos? One more thing about socks: I used to wear one over my eyes when I was sleeping to block out the sunlight in my girlfriend's house. I think that's why we're not together anymore. Brandy's guy, be warned, that's what the hell you should not do. Erin W. (from NY (repping TL)) threw out my shower drain and her garbage disposal. Coincidentally, as part of a house-warming gift from the previous tenant, I was signed-up for a game called Race the Shower Drain Before It Overfills. It was a nice gesture, but I returned it to my landlord in exchange for drainer cleaner. I'm not sure what is going on with the drains (still need some sink work done), but perhaps Jenni's guests (you remember Jenni, right?) have once stayed at my place before it was my place and left hair all over the soap and everywhere. Perhaps they're European Hair Metal gods, too? Perhaps Jay was the previous freakin' tenant -- with Brandy?! All gossip aside As far as your garbage disposal, Erin, I'm sure I'm not the first person who's told you that you can't put socks - ugly socks - down the garbage disposal... at least not with glass bottles. Ease on up, girl -- that's what the hell you should and shouldn't do. My garbage disposal isn't even activated, but as long as my drains can "dispose" of water, I'll be a happy man. The sun's out. The weather's warm. Serotonim's in town. Enjoy your life, one day at a time. And please, learn how to use mothaf'in apostrophes, especially when sending out lengthy political spiels. I am now accepting comments for the next installment of TELL JOE WHAT THE HELL TO DO. 2:17 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, July 23, 2006 Same mistakes JOE - when you know you're making the same mistake... Jesus man... I'm disappointed with you. Stop being a fuckin coward. Driving around blasting ODB in the hood(s) does not make up for it. It's a separate issue you goddamn weenie. Stop. Start. 4:19 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, July 20, 2006 Custom Bulletin Current mood: on some NEXT Hey I'm sending out a bulletin. What would you like this bulletin to be about? You can design it yourself. Would you like it to be about my favorite kinds of socks, or my shower drain, or my love life, or my favorite kind of bread? I am open to suggestions. Currently reading : The Contract with God Trilogy: Life on Dropsie Avenue (A Contract With God, A Life Force, Dropsie Avenue) By Will Eisner Release date: By 21 November, 2005 1:55 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, July 19, 2006 Yeah that's right, I filled out the "GIRLY SURVEY" The 50 Question Girl Survey 1. How many pairs of shoes do you have? Eight? Most of em are shitty though 2. How many of those are heels? All MAN heels 3. What jewelry did you wear today? Um, I shaved? 4. What underwear are you wearing? Boxers 5. Do you have a jewelry box? No, but I try to keep staples and paper clips together 6. Do you dye your hair? No, it's turning gray NATURALLY 7. What is in your CD player right now? Chili Peppers? 10. What are you wearing? Black Dickies, black sneakers, green striped Tiger shirt 11. What makeup do you wear? Italiano Oil - all NATURAL 12. Do you have a lot of candles in your room? I need to find em for this weekend, na mean? 13. Is pink your favorite color? Green 14. What purse are you carrying? Dickies wallet 15. How many purses do you have? zero 16. Do you have a job? I'm at it 17. Team Kristen or Team LC? Team Sleep 18. Jennifer or Angelina? Kate Hudson, then them 19. What did you buy last time you went shopping? Haha, a plunger, a broom... I need to get some more of that crap for my new place 20. Do you own anything by Vera BradleY? Guess not 21. Is your cell phone with you at all times? Usually, but often I turn it off 22. Do you own Chanel sunglasses? I hate sunglasses 23. When was the last time you wore a dress? oh I haven't worn a dress in YEARS 4. Straight hair or curly hair? it's straight but gets sorta curly when long 25. What is your favorite magazine? Don't really have one... I like music mags but don't read em much... trying to read lit journals more 26. California or New York? Both, but NY is in my blood 27. Do you keep up with celebrity gossip? not usually, ocassionally I'll click on an internet headline 28. Diet or exercise? Exercise and trying to eat healthier 29. Did you play with Barbies when you were little? GI Joes, He-Man... 30. Do you go to the tanning bed? FUG TANNING BEDS. I go to the beach (ah California ;) ) 31. Did you ever own a spice girls cd? no 32. Do you think you're fat? I've gotten in much better shape this year but I would like to lose at least another ten pounds 33. If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? taller!! 34. Do you post bulletins asking people to comment on your pictures? I haven't, but I may 35. Did you ever take dance, gymnastics, or cheerleading? no 36. Have you ever been in a pageant? no 37. Have you ever modeled? not yet 38. Do you get manicures and pedicures often? no 39. Do you believe in love at first sight? no, but I believe in infatuation at first site 40. Do you like bubble baths? bubble butts, what? 41. Do you look like anyone famous? I've been compared to Zach Braff from Garden State - but I'd prefer DeNiro, thank you very much 43. Have you ever danced around your room in your underwear? of course 45. Are you a daddy's girl? Not exactly... 47. Do you already have your wedding planned out? No 48. Do you make wishes when it's 11:11? I have, not lately 49. Do you prefer football players or baseball player? Neither 50. Do you think you're girly? I hope not... 2:34 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, July 16, 2006 Glad to be alive (Truth Serum) I hit my all time peak of foolishness and carelessness the other day. I don't think it would make very good writing material. Luckily, there were no real consequences, other than embarrasment and disgust with myself. ;) 9:29 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, July 14, 2006 New York City summer night air Current mood: slow melt ...where the humidity really pays off. I wish I could bottle it, this NYC summer night air. Vibrancy and exhilaration for the five senses. Between that and the pizza (oh yeah, friends and family), I'm ready to move back. ...the accent of my peoples... jeah... Currently reading : The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (Vintage Contemporaries) By Mark Haddon Release date: By 18 May, 2004 2:18 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, July 07, 2006 I left my heart in San . . . Current mood: lumber SIKE!!!!!! I bring my heart with me, where ever I am. It's really too much a pain in the ass to disassemble, or bungee to the roof of the car, or entrust with a friend (and come back to find marina fingerprints and mustard speckles on it). I take my heart, always - none of that ventrical-ism for this guy. No loaner hearts, no rental spouts. Always authentic, always the real deal. Joe in NY, over and out. Peace. Currently reading : The Informers (Vintage Contemporaries) By Bret Easton Ellis Release date: By 01 August, 1995 11:04 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, July 03, 2006 Skipped the gym and the beach... Current mood: going to NY cuz I'm flying out tonight and trying to tie up loose ends, or at least sweep some of those loose ends under the carpet long enough for no one (myself included) to notice that they're loose until I'm back. but shit, now I gotta go find the carpet, where did I pack it again, just to sweep other loose ends under it. and the carpet itself may have loose ends, cuz it got all messed up while moving. also, I bought a plunger today at an Irving corner shop while I was trying to get a copy of x-rays from the dentist who wasn't there and debated with the foot doctor who shares the suite instead. sweet? 6:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, July 02, 2006 I somehow managed to MOVE Current mood: hungry ...and now I'm here! It's great and peaceful and ordinary and weird. Do you think I should put the dresser here? 5:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, June 29, 2006 Suicide Intervention on Loveline (initiated via myspace message) Last night on Loveline, Dr. Drew called up a 16-year-old girl who left her phone number on one of his assistant's myspace pages. She had been hospitalized for depression, lied her way out, then found herself more suicidal than ever. Loveline Radio does a lot of good for its callers and listeners (lots of great advice, etc), but this was by far the most intense thing I've heard on it. The thing that got a little weird: after a really powerful discussion, they had to put her on hold to look up info *AND* continue the show with more light-hearted, sexual segments. Dr. Drew had already gotten her to COMMIT to not doing anything dangerous while waiting those "nine minutes," but it also revealed the seams of entertainment, etc. HOWEVER, what was really fucking awesome: about three minutes into the next segment, Drew said, "I gotta go talk to her," and left the room to call her and follow up - regardless of whatever the producers wanted, etc. The guests held down the fort while he handled business. Good to see some real humanity shining through . . . --Joe 2:43 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, June 28, 2006 Friiendsd liiisttt resssetttting (yssspace spellling glitch) Current mood: moving OMMFG!!!!! people!!! The Myspace frienddddds lisssst is goingg to upset . . . resseettt I mean! This will be offective tommmorrroww. This is Thooommmmmmmmm . Tyhoooom --- theyrrrreee hackininto my keyboardddd yaalllllll .. . Pllleeeaeese iignore thhhhe misssspellinnnnggggs annnddd thehh facct thhhis wasnnnt seeenttt dirrrectly from meee ((Thhhooom) REEEEEEEEEEEEEPOSsssT THIS Thankks,,,,, tThhhhom Currently listening : Mezmerize By System of a Down Release date: By 17 May, 2005 2:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, June 27, 2006 Whenever I'm in the booth and I feel exhausted / I think what if Marie Baker got that abortion I love you Ma / Hate it or love it, the underdog on top / And I'm gon shine homie until my heart stop -- THE GAME 3:31 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Negative energy I just threw all my negative energy right here. All the pressures, stress, disappointment, resentment, disgust. It's right here. I'm going to put it in a sealed off area, so don't open it up. Just leave it be: (((((((())))))))))) Ok... phew... thanks I just needed you there in case something happened... Seriously, please do not come back to this blog at night and fiddle with the negative energy container. Something terrible is lurking in there... Please... I guess you can tag it up if you want, but don't open anything... Please 1:54 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, June 26, 2006 BlackmailOUT So Tom Waits turned out okay. Right? Hunter S, um, sort off, maybe... Bret Eastern...? Chuck Palll...? But it's still not an excuse. And a quick thank you to those who have my back. I have yours too. It goes back to grooming days, eh? I will pick some of your social lice on occasion. 1:34 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, June 23, 2006 studied all the classics / start revising my strategy --the Game Currently listening : The Documentary By The Game Release date: By 18 January, 2005 8:27 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sappy memory - Huntington Beach '05 Current mood: working I remember trying to pee by a pillar and running from the sand-cleaner machines at 3am. and stripping half naked to stroll in the ocean. and asking you if sharks came this close to shore. and chewing sea weed flavored with oil rigs. and how euphoric you looked in the waves. and soaking wet and sandy in the car with the Fugees in stereo while ordering food and chowing down. I remember Kasabian earlier that night. a good sweaty hand shaky rock show. and the foreshadows